Dog with sunglasses

Google image search of the week:
dog with sunglasses

(also see "monkey with glasses")

YOTP

The high pitched whine of doom

I've heard of the "Doomsday Clock", but I thought it was some sort of allegory -- not an actual clock. Anyway, it's 5 to midnight -- and we're all pretty close to being fucked. The full story from Reuters is below.

In the meantime, Naomi Campbell was sentenced to five days of community service by a New York city criminal court after she pleaded guilty to hitting her maid with a cell phone over a pair of missing jeans.

In relative personal news, I changed my cellphone ringtone to a painfully high pitched noise to annoy teenagers, but have only succeeded in causing a minor ringing in my own ears (teenagers=2, minardi=0).

Finally, Koda the polar bear cub from the Pittsburgh Zoo is ready to go back in front of visitors today after having a root canal. (the photo above is of Cub Koda -- who is unrelated)

[+/-] Click here to expand

By Will Dunham WASHINGTON, Jan 17 (Reuters) - The scientists who mind the Doomsday Clock on Wednesday moved it two minutes closer to midnight -- symbolizing the annihilation of civilization -- adding the perils of global warming for the first time to acute nuclear threats.

The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, which created the Doomsday Clock in 1947 to warn the world of the dangers of nuclear weapons, advanced the clock to five minutes until midnight. It was the first adjustment of the clock since 2002.

"We stand at the brink of a second nuclear age," the group said in a statement.

They pointed to North Korea's first test of a nuclear weapon last year, Iran's nuclear ambitions, U.S. flirtation with "bunker buster" nuclear bombs, the continued presence of 26,000 nuclear weapons in the United States and Russia and inadequate security for nuclear materials.

But the scientists also said the destruction of human habitats wreaked by climate change brought on by human activities is a growing danger to humankind.

"Global warming poses a dire threat to human civilization that is second only to nuclear weapons," they said.

The announcement was made in news conferences held in London and Washington.

"We foresee great peril if governments and societies do not take action now to render nuclear weapons obsolete and to prevent further climate change," famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking of the University of Cambridge, a member of the bulletin's board of sponsors, told reporters in London.

In 2002, the bulletin's scientists moved the clock two minutes forward in 2002, to seven minutes until midnight following the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on the United States.

The bulletin was founded in 1945 by University of Chicago scientists who had worked on developing the first nuclear bomb, and it is now overseen by some of the world's most prominent scientists.

The bulletin created the clock in 1947, two years after the United States ushered in the nuclear age by dropping atomic bombs on two Japanese cities at the end of World War Two, to symbolize the urgent nuclear dangers confronting the world.

Awesomest/Creepiest

I don't know anything about what kind of company Clover/Stornetta is, but they do have the awesomest/creepiest mascot in the world.

Order in the Court!

Did my mention of Dork Court invite my blog's first spam? Quite possibly... and so I've enabled that thing where you have to type a word in order to publish a comment. Take that, spam!

In other news, I overheard some environmental scientists making jokes about the lady who poisoned herself by drinking too much water and was somewhat offended.

Also overheard -- two dudes at the gym talking about what a crook Obama is (quote: I'm from illinois, and let me tell you about this guy... unbelievable!), followed by several lefty Berkeley types getting visibly prickly, but not saying anything (unless outraged huffing noises count.)

Alice Coltrane and Dork Court

So we lost Alice Coltrane the other day... and I indirectly found out by weird spam from a sender named Dork Court... who's message was littered with current news, strange advertising gibberish and mention of Alice Coltrane. Which led me to look up her website. Odd. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear it.

Yoko Update & New Reader

From the WFMU blog comes the full letter from Yoko's driver. I reprinted it after the jump. Don't read it if you have an aversion to being totally bummed out.

Also, It's confirmed that at least four people read this blog now! We all win!!! Except Koral Karsan. He loses.

[+/-] Click here to expand

December 2006

Dear Ms. Ono,

As you know, I have loyally served you in many capacities as your driver, bodyguard, assistant, butler, nurse, handyman and more so your lover and confidant over the last ten years. During the course of these years, our relationship has also deepened into a very emotional and physical one as well.

Unfortunately, as you know, your mood swings and dependencies have drastically eroded our relationship, and led to a continual stream of abusive statements and treatment from you. Ranging from personal insults to demanding acts of great sacrifice by me, your systematic and continuous physical and psychological abuse has caused me to become a different person, stripped from any kind of dignity and self respect...

Your constant demands on my time, for both your and your family’s professional and personal needs have greatly and perhaps irrevocably hurt my relationship with my spouse and children. My wife has now left me because of the relationship between you and me. This is solely due to your excessive demands on my time, demanding my companionship for over 15 hours daily, seven days a week for the last six years. My life has been connected to yours to a point where basic chores and activities such as taking my wife to the doctor’s office or having an engagement party for my son had to wait for months on end for you to leave the country so that I could attend the needs of my family.

Additionally, our relationship both in the public eye and private has caused a significant degree of defamation to my character. People, including your own son and daughter have voiced their opinions regarding our relationship. Every day I endure countless demeaning looks and comments from people at work, on the street and most painfully at home. This continues and will continue to cause indescribable pain for me and more importantly my family.

Under all these circumstances, I decided to contact my lawyer in order to put an end to this string of events. After discussions, we decided to pursue a “quid pro quo” sexual harassment suit against you. There is more than enough documented instances in which you harassed me in this manner and I’ve been advised that the case will be more than easy to file and prove. The case will not only involve you and I, but will also include Sean, Kyoko, Bijoux, Jan Wenner, Michiko Meyers, Sam Havatoy, Dakota residents, Paul and countless others as they will be forced to testify about things that will shock the world. I will make sure that upon filing of the suit, the NY media (members of which I have gotten to know very well over the years) will be all over it and we will all read the details on page six and other tabloid magazines for quite a while.

Such a trial, regardless of if I win or lose, will provide me with a significant amount of publicity that I will use to promote a number of books that will portray You, Sean and John. These books will be written using information obtained from ten years of listening to you as well as pictures taken with hidden cameras and literally thousands of hours of recordings I have been compiling since 1996. Within these tapes, there are recordings such as the ones below that will quite frankly, astound the world.

- Sean, while speaking to his girlfriend Carmella, calling John “a wife beating a——”;

- Your political statements against the British and US Governments;

- Your numerous critical comments about your son, daughter, the Beatles, and your friends (such as Jan Wenner, J. Onasis Kenedy, Elliot Mintz, Brian Hendel, John Hendrics, Michiko Meyers and many more);

- The story of you getting raped during WW II in a Japanese farm and the effects of this act on your relationships with men including John;

- Your numerous fights with Sam Havatoy …

Depending on the outcome of our dealings, I will not only write about these recordings but will also distribute them to European Broadcasting Stations throughout the future. You and your legal advisors may think that I am bound by the confidentiality agreement. Be informed that I am moving back to Turkey permanently and will publish my book in Turkey and will distribute the prints through the internet where I have already secured e-commerce capabilities.

All of the above mentioned items will in fact become a reality unless you compensate me and my family for all of the pain and suffering you have caused. If you want all of these pictures, recordings, emails, conversations and memories to vanish from the face of the earth and never hear from me again, all you have to do is send me a certified cashiers check from a New York Bank for a total amount of $2 million.

Thank you very much,

Koral Karsan

baby in a bucket

You should totally do a google image search for "baby in a bucket"

Now you feel better, don't you?